Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It - Ethan Kross

In our lives, there is someone who never leaves us, who whispers what we should do, reminds us of both our regrets and achievements, argues with us, and always wins: our inner voice. Sometimes it keeps us from sleeping, sometimes it makes life unbearable. Escaping it is difficult, but not impossible.

My Ways to Overcome It

Write it down. Whatever comes to mind, jot it down. Especially if new ideas flood your mind before sleep, put them in writing. That way, your brain assumes you’ve completed that subject and no longer needs to dwell on it.
Walk. Especially take walks in green areas. Most people do not realize how rejuvenating such a simple activity like walking can be.
Remember that it can happen to anyone. We are neither alone nor uniquely special in this world. Similar experiences have definitely happened to others, too. Don’t blame yourself.
Address yourself by your name. If you’re struggling to silence your inner voice, address it in the third person, by using your own name. This creates distance and can reduce its intensity.
Time is the best healer. After a while, that issue will shrink in your mind and become insignificant, so don’t forget that.

Thanks to our ceaseless inner chatter, we can retain information in our minds, reconsider our decisions, control our emotions, envision alternative futures, remember the past, monitor our progress toward our goals, and continually update the personal narrative that forms the core of our identity. We owe all our abilities—the things we build, the stories we tell, and the futures we dream—to the fact that we can never fully escape our minds.

Tools You Can Use on Your Own

Use distanced self-talk. If you’re trying to cope with a challenging experience, address yourself by your name or use the second person pronoun “you.” This creates a sense of detachment that can help you manage the chatter.
Imagine giving advice to a friend. Think of the advice you would give to a friend in a similar situation, then apply it to yourself.
Normalize your experience. Knowing you’re not the only one dealing with this problem can be a highly effective way to silence that nagging inner voice.
Travel through time in your mind. Consider how you will feel about this situation a month, a year, or even longer from now.
Change your perspective. Visualize the scene where the event took place as if a camera were zooming out, making the scene smaller and smaller until it’s just the size of a postage stamp.
Express yourself through writing. Approaching your experience from a narrator’s perspective helps create distance, allowing you to understand your feelings and eventually feel better.
Perform a ritual. Engaging in a ritual—a meaningful sequence of actions—gives a sense of order and control.

Tools That Involve Your Relationships with Others

Respond to both emotional and cognitive needs. Don’t just show empathy and approval. Expand their perspectives, offer hope, and help normalize their experiences.
Provide invisible support. Sometimes helping without making it obvious can be more effective.
Show care and respect with gentle touch. When appropriate, physical contact can convey trust and reassurance.

Tools for Seeking Support from Others

Assemble a “consultation board.” Identify trusted people from various fields whom you can turn to when you’re in need of help.
Ask trusted people to hug you or simply hold your hand. Physical presence and comfort can be soothing.
Look at a photo of someone you love. This can provide a sense of calm and security.
Be mindful of what others share with you. Watching streams of what people want to show you can trigger self-sabotaging thoughts and envy.

Tools for Using Your Environment

Organize your surroundings. Figure out how arranging your environment helps bring order to your mind, and apply it.
Spend more time in green areas. Take a walk in a park or along a tree-lined path.
Imagine a setting that evokes awe every time you see it. Visualizing an environment that inspires wonder can help relieve stress.